1. You know whose back I have? Vibraphonist Chuck Redd's.

2. You know whose back I don't have? Anyone using the stocking stuffers of tortured logic, pleonasm, sophistry, intellectual dishonesty, platitude, fallaciousness, specious reasoning, casuistry, fudging, equivocation, propagandistic onanism, or just plain deliberate obtuseness to pretend that adding Donald J. Trump's name to the John F. Kennedy Center is anything but pure, unadulterated fuckery.

3. The JFK center is a congressionally-appointed memorial specific to John F. Kennedy.

4. Memorials are not subject to renaming at egotistical whim. It is why, for instance, we do not have the Gerald Ford Lincoln Memorial, the Joe Biden Washington Monument, the Sarah Palin East Wing Palindrome, the Lindsey Graham Hustler Bucket, or the Barack & Michele Obama Vietnam War Memorial & Fried Clam Stand.

5. Firing the entire longterm and supposedly partisan Kennedy Center board, replacing it with partisan toadies, and then having the toadies rename the building after sixty-two years of being singly-named, in a spasm of feet licking unseen since Nero's penchant for hourly feet licking, without congressional approval, is the move not of an autocrat, but a diktator.

6. It's worth remembering that Nero, the wheezing, greasy, corpulent, oddly-haired, trust fund (Caligula was his uncle) piglet who became Emperor in not entirely dissimilar circumstances as Donald J. Trump, was fond of non-consensual behavior with the young.

7. Much like the Ancient Rome Jeffrey Epstein funded by the Ancient Rome Les Wexner, Sextus Afranius Burrus provided Nero with a steady stream of young boy slaves, most famously Sporus, his favorite.

8. Nero loved the boy slave almost as much as Donald J. Trump loves the Kennedy Center with Donald J. Trump's name painted on the side. So much so, in fact, that in a very Mike Johnson-type moment, Nero castrated Sporus and then married him.

9. Really. Give it a Goog if you don't believe me. Anyhow, isn't it amazing that the tale of Sporus isn't a much beloved Johnny Mathis holiday number? Sort of along the lines of "I Saw Daddy Kissing Pre-Teen Suzy Clause", which could be played by Chuck Redd at the TrumKennpeddy Center in a packed Christmas Eve Concert?

10. You know, just a quick word about the War On Christmas: Jesus wasn't born on December 25th until the emperor Constantine declared it so, in an effort to unify imperial control of monotheism under Sol Invictus, or the formerly pagan solstice holiday, so it's totally made up, and is, in fact, not a divisive Left/Right issue in 2026, but a lever in the system of polytheistic Roman control.

11. Also, the hated and generalized "Holiday" phrase is really more Christian than Christmas, in that it is a specific holy day and not a manufactured autocratic tool, and the word was not secularized until well into the Industrial Revolution. Likewise, "Xmas" is also more Christian than "Christmas" in that the X comes from the Greek character for Christ in the Septuagint, or Greek bible, and was used because it was considered blasphemy to say "Christos" out loud. Which is to say that Xmas is a more orthodox and penitent phrase than Christmas, no matter what horseshit Greg Gutfeld wants to get you riled up with.

12. Anyway, spine-snappingly prostrate Kennedy Center sycophant Dick Grenell now wants to sue Chuck Redd for $1 million for canceling on the Kennedy Center Xmas bash that no one wanted to attend anyway, since ticket sales are now lower than they were during Covid. Really, give it a Goog. This is for obvious reasons that have nothing to do with Chuck Redd's excellent vibes chops, despite Grenell stating that "Any artist canceling their show at the Trump Kennedy Center over political differences isn’t courageous or principled—they are selfish, intolerant, and have failed to meet the basic duty of a public artist: to perform for all people."

13. Yes, exactly. Who ever heard of artists protesting repressive regimes? Or having opinions that rhyme? Or refusing to engage in Kremlin-like pretense over political differences, instead of using pipe bombs or staging the shooting of Charlie Kirk. What kind of selfish fool merely REFUSES TO ATTEND as a matter of conscience in the face of the unconscionable?

14. To be fair to the precisely-named Dick Grenell, when Kid Rock gamely held a fundraising concert for the Pete Buttigieg campaign instead of cancelling last second, because he knew as an artist it was his duty to "perform for all people, even when gay+political", we should have taken a lesson from his sacrifice. Or what about that time the highly principled ostrich-jerky magnate Mr. Ted Nugent wept as he played a stirring rendition of "Cat Scratch Fever" at Elizabeth Warren's birthday party, despite being mistakenly booked, because any REAL artist knows his duty is to the public first, regardless of personal ideology, and the show must go on.

15. Especially since, in the end, the Nugent gig went so well that afterward Warren had Ted castrated and then married him.

16. No word yet on if Senator Elizabeth Nugent-Warren is running in 2028, but whispers on the street say from now on she will deliver every Senate floor speech with Ted's balls floating in a mason jar of olive oil on the podium next to her.

17. Finally, congrats and Merry Xmas to Chuck Redd! I'd send $5 to the Chuck Redd/Angela Davis Freedom Fund, except that this insanely stupid, insipidly performative self-servery has already propelled Chuck Redd's last three CDs onto the Top 100. Dude pretty much now owns the ENTIRE vibes market on Spotify. He'll be fine.

18. Worth noting that John F. Kennedy was shot while in office, although I don't for a moment believe it was by Lee Harvey Oswald. Donald J. Trump was supposedly shot at by That Guy we never heard about again, the high velocity bullet grazing That Ear that has no injury or scar tissue as a result. John F. Kennedy wrote a best-selling book that he actually didn't write. Donald J. Trump wrote a best-selling book that he didn't actually write. John F. Kennedy was a serial philanderer. Donald J. Trump can't spell or define the word. JFK married the lovely and sophisticated Jacqueline Bouvier. Trump married former escort Melania. See all the connections? In the end, perhaps the Trump/Kennedy center will be its own requiem.

19. I had a killer xmas. Hope y'all did too. One of the best things about it was that we canceled our tickets to the Hanukah Eve Klezmer concert at the Kenny G/Bebe Netanyahu Center at the very last second, and no one is suing us.

20. My friends, this country is a script for a Netflix 12-episode series that no one will ever acquire, let alone produce, because although all the NetSuits can see it has endless comic potential, it's too absurd to buy, for even a second, as remotely plausible. We are not in a computer simulation, we are binge-living a season of a show too stupid to exist.

1. See, here's the thing. Joe Biden WAS way too old (77) to run for president the first time. But he was a safe, normal guy who had endless connections after 36 years in the Senate and was pretty much the anodyne to the Donald J. Madness of the previous four years.

2. Joe Biden had many flaws, including age, public speaking, forgetfulness, an over-dependence on his advisors, a tendency to pander to the Identitarian Left, a tendency to be cowed by the Lunatic Right, bad taste in Vice Presidents, bad taste in sons, an appalling border policy, and a lack of decisiveness in immediately sending more support and weapons to Ukraine. Among other things.

3. I'm not sure if it's an actual crime, but it is genuinely criminal that the people surrounding Biden went to such lengths to hide his obvious infirmities despite them already being obvious. He never should have been allowed to run for a second term. When he finally was forced to step away, there should have been an open convention. If Kamala Harris won then, fine, but she wouldn't have, and Josh Shapiro would probably be president right now.

4. See, there is common ground between the Left and the Right! Really, the biggest problem with America, which mainly falls in the adult-diapered lap of Rupert Murdoch, is that we have been cynically deluged with decades of propaganda insisting we are enemies, and told a story of how Republicans and Democrats are each trying to cartoonishly "destroy America". This division is not only the first step in the playbook of Fascism, but a blank check for Kleptocracy, which we now watch in real time every day. Also, "America" is not a thing, it's a concept.

5. When a reasonably noble conception becomes two entirely opposite and ugly conceptions shared by one people (group of monkeys), it's called Terminal Schizophrenia.

6. Your MAGA uncle is not your enemy. Your Trans son is not your enemy. I am not your enemy. Unless you're Pete Hegseth, you are not my enemy. In the end, everyone's just trying to get through another day hauling around the wheelbarrow of bricks that is life, both an honorable and delusional pursuit. Some wheelbarrows are heavier than others, some are manufactured, and Jeff Bezos pays brown people to haul his bricks for him. In the end, having different notions as to what direction to aim for the best version of America possible is not grist for Civil War, its Civility.

7. As cornpone as it may seem, compromise and teamwork are the reason that our species, Homo Sapiens, even exists in 2025, let alone retains the option to destroy the raft we all communally float upon on out of pique. There's a good chance that, being swifter and smarter, our ancestors worked together to hunt, kill, dominate, and probably eat Neanderthals and Homo Habilis and Homo Erectus and Denisovans and the rest of them. Hey, protein is protein. We are ONE species, despite what con men tell us daily.

8. If you read anywhere between four to six pages of history, going all the way back to the Byzantine empire, the Ultra Wealthy stayed wealthy, at least until their civilizations collapsed, by setting the poor/slaves/wealth-aspiring middle class against one another.

9. And then, during the Black Friday Walmart distraction, toga-pocketed everything not nailed down or stigmata'd to a cross.

10. No Senator or Congressman or President really has any clue what's going on. The better informed are generally ignored, since pessimistic appraisals have been a messenger-killing offense since Xerxes, but really there are just too many of us, government is too unwieldy, very little is actually predictable, and it may be just as true that running huge deficits is good for the economy as it is bad that China owns the paper on our huge deficit. Talk to Alan Greenspan. Or don't.

11. In the end, all you can really hope for in your elected officials is non-dogmatic competence.

12. Which currently is a near-impossible ask. Dogma and incompetence now seem a prerequisite for election in the age of phone-addled culture basing its preferences on a combination of fact-free rage and AI comfort food.

13. No party or executive order or court justice or policy position or swamp-drain is going to save or destroy America. It's all frosting on the shitcake of inevitability, and everyone has a varying tolerance for cake made of shit, although there's a reason Kash Patel always looks like he needs to get busy with the toothbrush.

14. That said, Donald J. Trump is 79, soon to be 80, and he is falling asleep a lot. In public. While people next to him are speaking. Can we pound a stake into the heart of partisan thinking by collectively admitting that it's true? And how it's exactly the same or worse as what a multi-billion dollar cable platform just spent four years screaming about?

15. Many Americans, correctly, complained that Joe Biden was too old to be president. You may not want to concede that he also pulled us out of the covid disaster culturally and economically, that the predicted debilitating inflation never happened, that he passed an essential infrastructure bill that every Republican is still cashing in on in their own districts despite voting against it, that there is no alternative republican health plan, and how, like him or not, Sleepy Joe generally calmed things down on the world stage simply by appearing relatively sane and predictable.

16. Why can we not all concede that what Donald J. Trump is doing, or at least sleeping through, on camera, every single day, is very definitely happening on camera every single day?
17. There should be an age limit for the Supreme Court, Congress, and the Presidency. I suggest that any candidate's final term has to be complete by 74, at which point they are ineligible or gently retired.

18. Sleepy Don has never looked more haggard, flaccid, tired, petulant, cranky, fleshy, moist, and incoherent. There are, of course, other factors in play, including a lifetime of giddily displaying many of those attributes for all assembled, but mainly it's because he's REALLY OLD.

19. How can a country ever run, regardless of party, wealth, status, celebrity, profession, ethnicity, country of origin, or musical preference if 50% of us, at all times, are trained to reflexively deny what is inconvenient while conveniently defending what is obviously untrue?

20. Vladimir Putin, for example, would love to destroy America. Adherents of either party almost certainly prefer a highly functional America that more directly serves their personal interests. Those two intentionalities are not equal.
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21. If you look closely at the picture above, you can tell that Donald J. Trump is dreaming about rape.