Death To Hippo Crats

NF, One L
Issue TEN

1. Um, where’s the outcry from all the “Clinton is here to take your guns, John Kerry is here to take your guns, Obama is here to take your guns, Biden is here to take your guns, Kamala already took your guns” crowd? Where’s the Ruby Ridge fetishists and WACO conspiratorialists and Cliven Bundy supporters? Yes, deploying a battalion of US Marines against FELLOW AMERICANS to quell protest in an American city is EXACTLY why you insist on having guns in the first place, right? This is the epitome of why militias militia and shoot targets of looters on the range and store powdered Skippy in the shed and have sister-wives, right? To rise up against violent government overreach with the only means available to us, which is not voting, but the ownership of three plastic bins from the Container Store full of armor piercing bullets?

2. So Elon says The Grifter is in the Epstein Files, which we’ve all known for many years, so no surprise there, but that level of return artillery begs a simple question: Elon is implying that Donald J. Trump is a rapist, which we’ve all known for many years, but also a child rapist, an assumption which 39 documented flights on Epstein’s “Lolita Express” failed to contradict, but in saying so Elon admits that he’s known about it long before he started funding Trump’s campaign, so why is it just starting to bother him now? Getting in politics-bed with a rapist not bad enough vetting-wise to head up DOGE for President Harris instead?

3. Steve Bannon just called Elon a “South African grifter”, which is genuinely hilarious. Tesla contracts might be pulled as punishment (um, the word-for-word definition of Pay For Play), and maybe they’ll even grab his passport, paint him brown, and ship him to Robben Island. But even if not, look for a MASSIVE Rupe Murdoch-led negative propaganda shittrain to land on Elon’s hair-plugged head in the coming months. It might even turn out that his father was Willie Horton.

4. Small fact worth remembering: When Jeff Epstein was initially arrested and tried in 2008 on multiple counts of sexual abuse against dozens of teenage girls, the top federal prosecutor in Florida, Alex Acosta, gave him a plea deal that included, instead of a possible life sentence, a 13-month sweetheart work release. How could that possibly be? What precedent was there for the head of a long-term international sex trafficking operation being let off so lightly? In what some might feel is a surprising coincidence, out of nowhere, a decade later the very same prosecutor, Alex Acosta, was named Donald, J. Trump’s Labor Secretary! And people keep saying Donald J. Trump doesn’t pay his debts!

5. Hey, you know who was Florida Attorney General from 2011-2019, when a deluge of additional evidence surfaced about Jeff Epstein, but didn’t charge him with a single crime, and, in fact, he was only finally charged six months after she left office? Pam Bondi!

6. Who is Pam Bondi? Oh, just the grim-visaged praying mantis with a slick blond wig who is currently Donald J. Trump’s Attorney General, and therefore your (and my) upholder of the Rule Of Law! Probably just a coincidence.

7. Jeffrey Epstein, during his first trial, called Donald J. Trump “My best friend.” Really. Okay, anyone can say that about anyone else, under oath, it doesn’t mean it’s true, does it? It’s not like the “friend” as designated in that sentence bears any legal or moral responsibility, do they? I mean, if Bernie Madoff said, after swearing on a bible, that I was once his closest bosom buddy, would I be liable for payments to all the people he ripped off? Even if I flew around all the time on the “Madoff Express” with my pal The Bern, but had no clue at all where his billions came from?

8. Eight is speculative and might not actually exist.

9. Donald J. Trump will soon have a parade for Donald J. Trump that celebrates Donald J. Trump as a general concept, as well as Donald J. Trump’s birthday, plus tons of military equipment, at an estimated cost of around $50 million dollars. Donald J. Trump claims that Donald J. Trump is funding his own parade, which is widely disputed, but also means that political donations to Donald J. Trump will fund Donald J. Trump’s parade to the degree that it won’t later be found to have come out of a Pentagon Wrench Fund, including payments on his massively leveraged debt.

10. Will Jeff Bezos be there? Zuckerberg? The boards of Target, Delta, and every Sketchcoin Crypto company? Which favored oligarch will now sit in Elon’s Iron Throne? I’m giving 2-1 odds on Sheldon Adelson’s recently exhumed wife.

11. When you think about it, have you ever seen anyone mentioned, or even proposed, to be a private friend of Donald J. Trump? Just one single person who says, “Donald and I are good friends.” Is it also why he doesn’t have a dog, treats his sons like the backhand slap lackeys they are, is on his fourth 76% silicone wife, and has never shown a single human emotion in public except for avarice, dissembling, boasting, untalented lying, talented lying, anger, retribution, confusion, or the sneaking fear that deep down, there is no deep down to Donald J. Trump?
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12. RFK jr. doesn’t count, Bill Barr has ghosted hard, and Pete Hegseth's only friend is an empty bottle of Kettle One.