the Jayne Says, "Have You Seen My Wig Around?" edition

NF, ONE L
Issue Negative - One

1. Did you know that Jayne Mansfield spoke five languages and supposedly had a 150 IQ? Did you know that Jimi Hendrix played uncredited bass and guitar on this song? Did you know that the car accident that killed her and two other adults plus her dog on a lonely highway outside of Slidell, Louisiana, spared her three children who were sleeping in the back without seat belts? And one of them was her daughter Mariska Hargitay, without whom CSI: Roadside Beheadings Unit would not have been even half the show quality-wise?

2. And that the accident was probably caused by the DDT they used to spray for mosquitoes at night in thick fogs of smoke that obscured Mansfield's vision of the parked semi on the side of the road that she ran into at high speed? And at the time, even though her boyfriend Sam Brody was also killed, she was having an affair with Anton LaVey? And a law was soon passed that all semis have "Mansfield Bars" welded below the rear gate with reflective tape to make them visible at night?

3. By the way, Anton LaVey was, at that time, most notable for being the founder of The Church Of Satan. Many people still believe Mansfield died of a curse LaVey placed on her.
Filmmaker Kenneth Anger's "Invocation of My Demon Brother" was scored by Mick & Keef and starred Bobby Beausoliel, who sang backup on Zappa's "Freak Out" plus murdered a bunch of people, and was portrayed by Ronnie Zappa in Tarantino's "Once Upon A Time In Hollywood".

4. Anger also once owned the Westerfeld House in San Francisco, which I have casually strolled past many times at the corner of Fulton & Scott, although it is rumored to be The Hellmouth, or at the very least a center of evil where many Satanic rituals were conducted by Anger and LaVey. Anger was also known to host the Manson Family from time to time. As far as I could ever tell, the over-gargoyled Victorian seems to be a house of pure foggy banality without a peep of evil emanating from it, but it does always make me think of poor Jayne and how I would have loved to discuss the great philosophers of antiquity in French, Russian, or German over coffee at the hippie cafe down the street, where you can order a Venti Lucifer-Oat Cappuccino.

5. Hey, you know what's REALLY amazing? Every single word is true (except the coffee).

6. I was just thinking, as I heard this song randomly come up in my mix, how all this backstory might be a really helpful way of putting The Grifter and Elon's American Insanity Road Show into context, if only so that you can spend the rest of your Sunday doing pleasant, mundane tasks without the stiletto of random political fear stabbing deep into your frontal lobe.
Because, my friends, it has always been This Way, full of inexplicable madness and rivers of bullshit and churning, floating chaos (but most importantly unalloyed greed) and we as a people have just chosen to view it through a slightly adjusted Camera Obscura for emotional survival.

7. Yeah, it was crazy in 1862 and 1550 and 66 AD as well.
We are all, in the end, animals. It's just that some animals have a 150 IQ, a blond wig, and a generation of lonely men fooled by the wire supports sewn into her bullet bra.

8. Which is a pretty solid analogy for waking up any random day in 2025.

9. In any case, I have a genuine feeling of love and kinship and community today with all of you, everyone single person in America who sees what's happening for what it is, and has the fortitude to speak of it loudly and without repentance.

Next Week: ​What we talk about when we talk about The Death Of Empire