Just A Quick Refresher edition

​NINE Facts, ONE Lie
Issue # 31

1. Donald J. Trump thinks you are a moron. If you voted for him the first time, there's a good chance you're susceptible to the false comfort that comes from being deliberately uninformed.

2. If you voted for him a second time, you can nibble at the restaurant four-pack while scribbling on the menu, wondering if the yellow crayon tastes like pee (it does), but cannot be trusted with the Mega Box with the sharpener on the side.

3. If you not only voted for him twice, but 10 months in STILL support him, there is literally not a single problem in America to which your opinion is relevant.

4. You, like a rabid possum, are a danger to the rest of the herd, and should be abandoned in the woods to forage for garbage on your Personal Libertarian Time.

5. If you have recently been denied coverage, lost health care, are inclined to bitch about the cost of your premiums, or need a shot of insulin that does not require hitting Red 17 at the Circus Circus to pay for, fuck off.

6. Soybean farmer? Fuck off.

7. Tariffs crushing your small business? Fuck off.

8. Gay Conversion Therapy Graduate? Fuck off.

10. Lost a fortune on Don Jr. Meme Coin? Fuck off.

11. Rust Belt Manufacturing Job Casualty? Fuck off.

12. Joined the military but didn't plan on parachuting into Caracas? Fuck off.

13. Have no ethical qualms about grabbing random people off the street because at least you have a birth certificate? Fuck off.

14. Spent 5 years chanting at Q rallies about Worldwide Pedophile Rings but are starting to suspect your president/savior is at the very center of it? Fuck off.

15. Don't want to finance a gold-plated ballroom when you can't even afford that root canal? Fuck off.

16. Evangelical mystified why Donald J. Trump couldn't name a single book of the bible, and is never seen exiting church services on Sunday morning with his immigrant wife/beard? Fuck off.

17. Hate your $9 an hour job delivering paperclips in huge boxes to lazy turds for Jeff Bezos? Fuck off.

18. There are two things and two things only that Donald J. Trump has been correct about since 1986:

19. One is that the USFL was going to fail, since he single-handedly caused its failure, and even then was too arrogant to pull his money out in time.
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20. The other is that billions could be made and political careers founded on the assumption that there is no one in America more stupid than those who are certain of their intelligence.